Content Warning: The following article includes topics and scenarios of sexual assault. The intention of this content is to address the common myths around sexual assault that may prevent survivors from seeking support.
As a therapist who works with survivors of abuse and assault, I hear a lot of skewed assumptions and incorrect beliefs about sexual assault. In the therapy world, we call these assumptions and beliefs “myths.” We call them myths because they are false. I have heard dozens of myths over the years, but I’m going to focus on the most common myths that come up in my sessions with clients.
“It’s not rape if you’re in a relationship with someone or married”
This is a statement I hear quite often unfortunately. Regardless of what kind of a relationship you are in (casually dating, committed, married, etc.), if one does not give consent, it is rape.
“If you wouldn’t have worn that, it wouldn’t have happened”
Bottom line, clothing is not an invitation for one to be sexually assaulted or raped. Clothing is not consent. Similarly, being under the influence (alcohol intoxication and/or substance use) is not consent. In fact, if an individual is intoxicated, consent cannot be given.
“Men can’t be raped”
Not only is this incredibly false, but this way of thinking can be quite harmful to male survivors. To say that you cannot be sexually assaulted and/or raped, simply because you are a man, is not only dismissive and invalidating, but can also affect male survivors desire to report and/or seek help. It can also have long-term effects as they try to navigate their healing journey.
“If you didn’t file a police report, that means it didn’t really happen”
There are a million and one reasons why a police report is not filed. Often times, fear or shame is involved. “What if I report it and no one believes me,” is the number one reason I hear from survivors. The fear of not being believed can bring about a lot of shame for survivors, which often further impacts their desire to report. Filing a police report and disclosing what happened can feel very personal and vulnerable but can also feel empowering for some. At the end of the day, it should be the survivor’s decision whether or not they file a police report. But the thing to remember is that, just because you didn’t file a police report, it does not mean it didn’t happen.
“You didn’t fight back, so that means you wanted it”
Just like with filing a police report, there are a million and one reasons why survivors may not have fought back during their assault. “Survival mode” is a term I use a lot when talking with survivors about what can happen during their assault. When the body goes into survival mode, it does whatever it needs to do to protect itself. Sometimes that means the inability to say anything or to fight back or even physically be present in what is happening (also known as dissociating). And sometimes that means kicking and screaming until you get away from your attacker. But not fighting back, in no way shape or form, does not mean that you wanted it.
“It’s not rape if you were sexually aroused”
Experiencing sexual arousal, an erection, ejaculation, an orgasm, or lubrication produced by your body during an assault does not automatically mean you enjoyed it or that you consented to being sexually assaulted and/or raped. Nor does it indicate anything about one’s sexual orientation. Experiencing any type of sexual arousal is a biological response that is beyond our control. It is our body responding because that’s what it is built to do. Think about this scenario: if you are standing in front of an audience and someone comes up to you and starts tickling you and you laugh, does that mean you liked being tickled in that moment or that you wanted to be tickled in that moment?
Keep in mind, this is not a complete list of myths. As I mentioned above, these are some of the most common myths that come up in my sessions. As a therapist specializing in counseling for survivors of sexual abuse and assault, I see firsthand how hurtful these myths can be to survivors. It can have a significant negative impact on their physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Even further, these myths can affect one’s healing journey. There is so much power behind these myths because of how deeply embedded they are into society. Fortunately, as a society we do have the power to change this, starting with education and awareness.
If you or someone you know is seeking support, GR Therapy Group has therapists available that would be honored to guide you through your healing journey. Our therapists are typically able to schedule your first appointment within 1-2 weeks. If you’re interested in finding out more information on the services we provide, or would like to be matched with a therapist to get started, call our office at 616-591-9000.
For 24/7 free and confidential support, you can reach Michigan’s sexual assault hotline by calling 855-864-2374 or texting 866-238-1454.